I shoulda stayed home
Living in a Christian community on the campus of the Canadian Mennonite University can drain someone of their spirituality. I have this feeling that I am always engaged with God since I study scripture in class and analyze my faith, and God, in classes. While I now have a much better understanding and knowledge of God, I feel disconnected from Him.
Like a physician studies a patient, I glaze over scripture, exegeticize it, and use my findings to hone my theology. My diagnosis. Don't get me wrong, I have a good feelings about my discoveries and my growing appreciation and love for God - but something is missing.
I won't make any bones about it, I don't usually go to church. Why? Well, the reasons above seem sufficiant enough. There is chapel everday at 11.30 at CMU where theologians, students, teachers, lead us in creative and traditional worship services. While it should disappoint me to say, I don't attend those either. My reasons include, it's too evangelical, I should shower and get ready for lunchtime meetings, I'm tired... etc. Today I broke the mold and went to church, and I really should have stayed home.
I believe that your reasons for attending a church service should be genuine and, in turn, you should be open to the sermon and the worship to have a authentic experiance that you can grow from spiritually. Sitting in the chairs and analyzing everything that goes on is not what your experiance on sunday morning should be, if your intention was to worship our Lord. This is what I did from 10.45 to 11.50 this morning.
A little background information: I was born and raised in Regina, Saskatchewan and attended Grace Mennonite Church with my parents until the age of 15 when we moved to Calgary. Grace was a part of the General Conferance of Mennonite churches and was liberal for its time (a husband and wife team were our pastors). When my family moved to Calgary, Alberta we started attending Foothills Mennonite Church and were instantly involved in almost every area of it's ministry. I participated in church drama's and was involved in the youth group, my parents and I, along with several other members, began a praise and worship group that welcomed the congregation into the service. But what really kept us coming back was our pastor and his wonderful sermons that inspired and challenged us every Sunday. In May of 2002 I was baptized there. Foothills is a great blend of progressive theology and conservative worship and traditional mennonite culture. To me, now living in Winnipeg, nothing can replace my church at home. This is the problem that I now face.
From the chairs, instead of the pews, to the general stirring of young children (that I would excuse in Foothills), to the food served at the potlucks, I brew over the differences between Foothills and the church I attend in Winnipeg. I wish to address these differences and why I believe my theology fits better with my home church in Calgary, later in another post. For now, I will limit this post to the overall conclusion I have come to.
Today, after coming home in a bad mood that I put my own self in, I have come to the understanding that something must be done to bridge my spiritual gap. I have for too long waited for something external to come to me, a new church here that is inspiring or a chapel that looks appealing. I need to take this matter into my own hands. I cannot just keep on attending churches and acting in the way that I have been, or attend a church and just keep my mouth shut, to remedy my feelings. I need to be actively involved in my relationship with God and I need to make time for it. Today was the shove I needed to get on board and begin writing in my journal again. Taking time for prayer, reading scripture, and writing my thoughts down will, hopefully, mend the situation to the point where I can go to church and take meaning in the service. Time cannot be an issue, nor can what we've studied in class already, nor my relationships with friends and my girlfriend.
So I guess this is really a post to say, to all who read it, to keep me in check. Comment on this and ask me if I had taken my devotional time for the day. Email me and ask what I have read or written. This task will be hard and challenging as it will require a shifting in my time and my priorities and alone it will be difficult. I need the larger Christian community with me on this one. Perhaps I should look into doing this with some friends on campus, or speaking to the chaplin. Any words of advice or encouragement will be greatly appreciated.
As for now, the Olympics are on and I'm a sucker for down-hill skiing. The dishes need to be done and I'm pretty sure I have not watered my plant in two weeks. I best be off to begin my new routine.
Like a physician studies a patient, I glaze over scripture, exegeticize it, and use my findings to hone my theology. My diagnosis. Don't get me wrong, I have a good feelings about my discoveries and my growing appreciation and love for God - but something is missing.
I won't make any bones about it, I don't usually go to church. Why? Well, the reasons above seem sufficiant enough. There is chapel everday at 11.30 at CMU where theologians, students, teachers, lead us in creative and traditional worship services. While it should disappoint me to say, I don't attend those either. My reasons include, it's too evangelical, I should shower and get ready for lunchtime meetings, I'm tired... etc. Today I broke the mold and went to church, and I really should have stayed home.
I believe that your reasons for attending a church service should be genuine and, in turn, you should be open to the sermon and the worship to have a authentic experiance that you can grow from spiritually. Sitting in the chairs and analyzing everything that goes on is not what your experiance on sunday morning should be, if your intention was to worship our Lord. This is what I did from 10.45 to 11.50 this morning.
A little background information: I was born and raised in Regina, Saskatchewan and attended Grace Mennonite Church with my parents until the age of 15 when we moved to Calgary. Grace was a part of the General Conferance of Mennonite churches and was liberal for its time (a husband and wife team were our pastors). When my family moved to Calgary, Alberta we started attending Foothills Mennonite Church and were instantly involved in almost every area of it's ministry. I participated in church drama's and was involved in the youth group, my parents and I, along with several other members, began a praise and worship group that welcomed the congregation into the service. But what really kept us coming back was our pastor and his wonderful sermons that inspired and challenged us every Sunday. In May of 2002 I was baptized there. Foothills is a great blend of progressive theology and conservative worship and traditional mennonite culture. To me, now living in Winnipeg, nothing can replace my church at home. This is the problem that I now face.
From the chairs, instead of the pews, to the general stirring of young children (that I would excuse in Foothills), to the food served at the potlucks, I brew over the differences between Foothills and the church I attend in Winnipeg. I wish to address these differences and why I believe my theology fits better with my home church in Calgary, later in another post. For now, I will limit this post to the overall conclusion I have come to.
Today, after coming home in a bad mood that I put my own self in, I have come to the understanding that something must be done to bridge my spiritual gap. I have for too long waited for something external to come to me, a new church here that is inspiring or a chapel that looks appealing. I need to take this matter into my own hands. I cannot just keep on attending churches and acting in the way that I have been, or attend a church and just keep my mouth shut, to remedy my feelings. I need to be actively involved in my relationship with God and I need to make time for it. Today was the shove I needed to get on board and begin writing in my journal again. Taking time for prayer, reading scripture, and writing my thoughts down will, hopefully, mend the situation to the point where I can go to church and take meaning in the service. Time cannot be an issue, nor can what we've studied in class already, nor my relationships with friends and my girlfriend.
So I guess this is really a post to say, to all who read it, to keep me in check. Comment on this and ask me if I had taken my devotional time for the day. Email me and ask what I have read or written. This task will be hard and challenging as it will require a shifting in my time and my priorities and alone it will be difficult. I need the larger Christian community with me on this one. Perhaps I should look into doing this with some friends on campus, or speaking to the chaplin. Any words of advice or encouragement will be greatly appreciated.
As for now, the Olympics are on and I'm a sucker for down-hill skiing. The dishes need to be done and I'm pretty sure I have not watered my plant in two weeks. I best be off to begin my new routine.
posted by D @ 12:50 PM
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